The Aftermath of School Shootings.

April 20, 1999.

Columbine

Senior year of high school. I don't even remember where I was when it happened. All I remember is the next day. We were in the middle of AP Spanish, shaken up with what we had watched on the news the previous night, but no one dared to talk about it. Our small class of 10 was quietly working on another grammar packet, preparing for the AP test as if everything was normal.

All of the sudden, the most horrific shrill startled us back into reality. The scared looks we gave each other, and the way we all held our breaths will forever remain ingrained in my memory. We knew we were all thinking the same thing. Sra. Mason poked her head out into the hallway to make sure we were all safe inside. She came back with a reassuring look that read, “Don’t worry, it's nothing, things like that don't & won't ever happen around here.”

February 14, 2008.

Northern Illinois University, Dekalb, IL

To this day, when I close my eyes I can see it.

I lived on campus while completing my Master’s program, and I taught Spanish 101 three times a week at the University. On any other day, I would be right next door to Cole Hall. On that day, I wasn’t on campus. The phone rang and my sister delivered the news, “There’s a shooter on your campus! Don’t go outside, stay indoors, lock your door.”My body moved robotically, closing the doors and windows. I could not even comprehend how this could happen, here, in the middle of nowhere & so far away from the gun violence we always heard about on the news, all coming from Chicago.

It seemed like the most horrible dream. And they said it would never happen to us.

The campus went into complete lockdown. We never prepared for this, active shooter drills were not something we practiced (yet). After hours of lockdown, we were all instructed to empty the campus. The 20,000 students & staff affected by the event had two weeks to grapple with the new painful reality-the loss of lives, the grief & the fact that all of us would be impacted by this tragic event forever, even if we weren't in that lecture hall on that day.

These tragic events will change how we perceive the world. We will learn to always keep the doors locked to our classroom. We will become hyper-aware of our surroundings, know where all the exits are, and keep heavy objects in all areas of the classroom to protect ourselves & our students, just in case. We will not be able to face our middle school students to address the Sandy Hook shooting in 2012, and esure them they are safe and it will never happen to them, cause we know better.

That’s tragic.

As parents, we will hug our children tighter each morning, tell them we love them & that we can’t wait to see them at the end of the day... because you never know. At active shooter drills, we don’t dare speak up, when police officers retraumatize us with their lack of sensitivity by “scaring us into taking this seriously.” All while, assuring us that things like this don't happen around here. We won’t raise our hands when people claim that “you have a higher chance of getting struck by lighting (or something like that) than being in a school shooting.”

It’s time to look around and realize this isn't just schools, it’s everywhere, and we have become desensitized to these tragic events over the years. Is our society suffering from the “Boiling Frog Syndrome”? As the story goes, “If you throw a frog into a pot of boiling water, he will jump out. But if you place a frog into a pot of cold water and turn the heat on low, it will float there quite placidly. As the water gradually heats up, the frog will sink into a tranquil stupor, and before long, with a smile on its face, it will uresistigly allow itself to be boiled to death.”

Maybe it’s time to realize that we can't stop every act of evil & violence, but “The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it (Einstein).”