Ten Ways To Help Your Child Feel Loved

By: Aleksandra Chawda, M.Ed.

1. RESPECT THEM Parents are the role models and they shape their child’s behavior. Kids are experts at mimicking what they see. Show your child what it feels like to be respected. Hold yourself just as accountable as you hold your child.

Be gentle with your words, you can’t take them back. Kids who are respected are happier, more successful, are unselfish, caring and considerate. Kids who feel respected by the adults will respect them in return.

“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.”

2. SHOW INTEREST & GIVE SPACE Remember what life at 13 was like? "Be the person you needed when you were younger." Show your child compassion, unconditional positive regard and interest. Ask about their life.Truly get to know them for the unique person that they are. Listen to your child without judgement, make them feel safe, supported, respected and heard.

3. TALK & LISTEN TO THEM Use every opportunity to connect with your child. A “no electronics” policy in the car encourages parents and children to talk. None of us understand what kids these days are saying with their slang, Roblox or Minecraft. Ask questions anyways, have them teach you all about their interests, like the new Roblox update or the latest skill-ball move.

4. ASK MEANINGFUL QUESTIONS Every parent knows that the answer to "how was school?" is always,“fine.” Try asking, “on a scale of 1-10, how was your day?” Dig deeper and have your child tell you what could’ve made it a 10. Build optimism and a healthy self-esteem by asking your child questions such as: “What made you proud?” “When did you have fun?” or “What’s the best thing that happened today?” These questions encourage the child to share their feelings, build trust, process their day and help you understand and connect with your child better.

Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.

5. PLAY WITH THEM Play and laughter perform an essential role in the parent/child relationship. Playing with your child builds a strong, positive bond, teaches them appropriate social skills and helps them thrive. By playing with your child, you are entering their world. Children don't have the words to communicate what they are feeling. They process difficult emotions through play, which is their type of communication with the world around them.

6. INCLUDE THEM A family’s influence on young children can last a lifetime in many ways. Healthy families are the building blocks of a healthy society. A successful and happy life depends on having a loving family, healthy relationships, feeling accepted and included. Value your child’s opinion, ask for input when making family decisions, make them feel important, give them a voice and a seat at the table.

The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.

7. INTERACT IN COMMON SPACES

Family time doesn’t have to be scheduled. Simple interactions like cooking while your child studies at the kitchen table are great opportunities to connect. A parent’s physical presence, even when the moments are filled with silence, is comforting and helps the child regulate their emotions, lower their anxiety and gives them a sense of safety. On the other hand, isolation can lead to an increased risk of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, sleeping problems and more. Banishing phones from the kid's room and having a "phones in the living only" policy allows you to monitor your child's social media use, helps improve the quality of their sleep and encourages the family to be present in these common spaces.

8. CREATE ONE-ON-ONE TIME Every child wants to be seen but it’s easy to get lost in the crowd of siblings. One-on-one time with your child keeps your unique relationship with them healthy and in tune. It builds trust, communication and strengthens your bond. One-on-one time allows the parent and child to connect, gives opportunities for many conversations and positive interactions. It makes those difficult conversations easier to have and sends a message to the child that you see them for who they truly are. This one-on-one focused time communicates to a child that they matter to you and you see them.

9. PRAISE THEM

Children will never forget how their parents made them feel. Many parents who criticize their child

have good intentions. Parents often hope that pointing out their child’s shortcomings will help them improve, succeed socially, academically, and develop a strong sense of personal accountability. Excessive parental criticism weakens the parent/child bond and seriously harms the child’s self-esteem.The“magic” ratio is 5:1. Children need to receive 5 positives for every criticsm. It has been proven that children learn and perform best in an environment that provides consistent praise and occasional redirection. The ratio is 8:1 for children who have behavioral or emotional challenges. So basically, the positive should heavily outweighs the negative. Pointing out your child's strengths brings you closer, gives them a healthy self-esteem, builds confidence and improves their mental health.

A person that feels appreciated will always do more than what is expected.

10. HUG THEM Nurturing physical touch helps children regulate their emotions, aids in stress management, aids in high self-esteem and makes the child feel bonded, safe and loved. Research shows that children need 4 hugs a day to survive, 8 per day to fix what has been corrupted, and 12 hugs a day to grow." Nurturing physical touch is not limited to hugs. High five your child, tickle them, invent a secret handshake, or hold their hand.

"Unconditional love is loving your kids for who they are...not for what they do."